Gov. Ron DeSantis bravely saves Floridians from exposure to nonpatriotic bridges

Like most American patriots, I live in constant fear of seeing a bridge or causeway lit up in colors other than red, white and blue. 

That’s why I’m standing atop a tall stack of Donald-Trump-endorsed Bibles and applauding heroic Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis for banning all lights that aren’t red, white and blue from bridges across the state as part of his “Freedom Summer” initiative.

Nothing says freedom quite like telling people they can only use three government-approved colors! This is America, people. We can’t just light up our infrastructure in whatever colors we want. That would be hue socialism.

DeSantis only believes in three colors: red, white and blue

Florida Transportation Secretary Jared Perdue, who I assume hates nonpatriotic colors like green and purple, wrote on social media: “As Floridians prepare for Freedom Summer, Florida's bridges will follow suit, illuminating in red, white, and blue from Memorial Day through Labor Day! Thanks to the leadership of @GovRonDeSantis, Florida continues to be the freest state in the nation.”

YEAH! FREEDOM, BABY!

Freedom from having to look at any lights that might not make me think of the American flag, or the American-flag-themed T-shirt with the eagle on it I got on Amazon.

DeSantis decision on bridge lighting will limit Pride Month displays

As soon as this great news was announced, the libs got all bent out of shape just because the state-ordered ban on certain colors happens to coincidentally and by total accident overlap with Pride Month in June.

Kimberly Allen, who runs a Jacksonville advocacy group that promotes diversity and inclusion, told The Washington Post (which I don’t read, because it’s LIBERAL FAKE NEWS): “I think the undertones of this are what’s haunting. Why at this moment, in this month, why is that happening now?”

Thanks Biden:The Chuck E. Cheese animatronic band is being phased out. Thanks a lot, Joe Biden.

It’s happening now because Gov. DeSantis said it’s happening now, and what he says goes, because “FREEDOM!” 

And look, if you think DeSantis is intentionally trying to undercut Pride Month, I’ve got news for you: He’s WAY too busy doing important, unifying things, like trying to make sure that trans kids feel terrible and that anyone who says the word “gay” in our schools gets eaten by an alligator. C’mon!

DeSantis co-opting civil rights language while attacking civil rights

Some also accused the governor of trying to co-opt the name “Freedom Summer.”

Noted liberal Bill Kristol posted on social media: “Anyone else find DeSantis’s appropriation of the phrase ‘Freedom Summer’ kind of grotesque? From the noble and courageous effort to allow blacks to register to vote in Mississippi in 1964 to the faux patriotic lighting of bridges in Florida 2024?”

I don’t where all that so-called historical information he’s referring to came from. But it’s certainly not anything Gov. DeSantis would allow to appear in Florida’s history textbooks.

Whatever. I’m not about to let stupid facts convince me that having elected officials control which portions of the visible spectrum we get to see is a bad idea.

In past summers, many major bridges in Florida would be lit up in colors recognizing everything from Pride Month to Juneteenth to Women’s Equality Day to National Recovery Month. No more. It’s red, white and blue or nothing, baby. Residents of the "freest state in the nation" have absolute freedom to love those colors and those colors only.

Thank goodness Gov. DeSantis understands our beautiful bridges should NEVER be used for indoctrination. They should be used as constant, searing reminders that the only things that matter are patriotism and the dutiful acceptance of government-mandated color choices.

Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on X, formerly Twitter, @RexHuppke and Facebook facebook.com/RexIsAJerk